Bah & the Humbugs - America's premier Christmas comedy rock band

2002

Christmas Tree from Hell

 

Christmas Tree from HellIn 2002 Bah & the Humbugs released Christmas Tree From Hell... and were featured on CNN Sunday Night!

Tracks

Christmas Tree From Hell
Santa Pulled Down My Icicle Lights
Holly Danger
Christmas to the World
Merry Christmas or Else
Hurricane Santa

Christmas Tree From Hell

(Patanella)

It said 'direct from grower' on the sign outside the fence
I thought that meant some tree farm near our town's circumference
We picked a tree, we brought it home
It fit the room quite well
But we'd brought home the Christmas tree from hell
Yes, I said hell
We brought home the Christmas tree from hell

Bah & the Humbugs interviewed on CNNWe had some old friends over and we trimmed the tree that night
But there was something glowing underneath
Before I lit the lights
Then something snarled, then something moved
Our blood began to gel
And we knew that we'd brought home
The Christmas tree from hell
We brought home the Christmas tree from hell

You know, this year, I wanted just an artificial tree
But no, you said, a real pine scents the air so beautifully
Well, now the stench of brimstone
Will have all the gents and ladies know
We brought home the Christmas tree from Hades
That's Greek for hell
We brought home the Christmas tree from hell

Santa Pulled Down My Icicle Lights

(Nordquist/Guskin)

Santa pulled down my icicle lights
I'd like to believe it was accidental
But my neighbor Gil says merely the sight
Of green and red icicles
Is enough to make the old guy go mental
He said I shouldn't have bought the ones that blink
That flicker and blink like a windblown candle
That's what drove Santa over the brink
Turned a good elf into a petty vandal

Icicle lights
Bring peace and joy to winter nights
Icicle lights
Make Christmas twice as bright, yeah

Santa pulled down my icicle lights
I still maintain it was just a fluke
But Gil disagrees, his advice
Is that the idea of red and green ice
Would make almost anyone want to puke
He said my other mistake was to make the lights swing
In time to a tune by the jingle cats
No jury would convict him on anything
Santa did after seeing a horror like that

Icicle lights
Bring peace and joy to winter nights
Icicle lights
Make Christmas twice as bright, yeah

I got my red lights
Cupid says throw those things away
I got my green lights
St Patrick says, they don't make my day
Red white and blue lights
Uncle Sam says I want you to take them down
I got my orange lights
The Great Pumpkin says, good grief, I'm leaving town
Everybody loves icicle lights all year round
All year round yeah

I think the wire got caught on the sleigh
It could easily happen to anyone
And they dragged it all with them when they flew away
I'm not pointing a finger at anyone

Icicle lights
Bring peace and joy to winter nights
Icicle lights
Make Christmas twice as bright, yeah

Icicle lights
Bring peace and joy to winter nights
Icicle lights
Make Christmas twice as bright, yeah

Holly Danger

(Nordquist)

Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!

Have a cup of steaming cider.
Caution! Contents may be hot
May be hot, very hot, extremely hot
Spilling product on bare skin
Could result in injury
Dipping fingers in hot product
Could result in injury
For best results sip cautiously

Aren't these lovely Christmas cookies
Warning! Fifty grams of fat,
Tons of fat, it's full of fat
Maximum suggested serving:
Three cookies a day
Additional consumption could contribute to obesity
Additional consumption could increase the risk of heart disease
Enjoy in moderation, please

Deck the halls in boughs of holly
Danger! Holly may explode
Explode, explode, it may explode
When combined with gasoline and a source of heat
Don't hang gasoline-soaked holly
All around the fireplace
Don't hang gasoline-soaked holly
Near your festive Christmas lights
If you do, it might ignite

Merry Christmas
Fa la la la la
Merry Christmas
Fa la la la

Christmas to the World

(Lehmkuhl)

What the world needs now
We gotta get it to 'em somehow
And it's not medicine or food
What they need's a better attitude
If you give a man a fish he's got just one night
to feed himself and his wife
But you teach a man a couple dozen carols
and he's set for life
(or maybe even longer)

It's time to do something for all mankind
Let's Give Christmas to the World
We'll hand out candy canes to every person we find
Let's Give Christmas to the World
In desolate lands without department stores
With no mincemeat pies or wreaths on doors
We'll send tin soldiers and a wooden horse
Let's Give Christmas to the World

Do they even know it's Christmastime
or do they need something to prove that it's here?
Well a sparkle-coated advent calendar
would make it crystal clear
(the kind with tiny chocolates)

It's better to give than it is to get
Let's Give Christmas to the World
From the shores of Tripoli to Taiwan and Tibet
Let's Give Christmas to the World
Even if we don't reach everybody we should
And only some agree it's for their own darn good
We'll smother the others with brotherhood
Let's Give Christmas to the World

Some people are poor, in spirit
Some people are starving, for attention
Some people have nothing, to do
on December 25th, so it's up to you
(and you, and you, and U...S...A..!)

We'll teach 'em to hang the Star on the Tree
Let's Give Christmas to the World
By hook or by crook, by land or by sea
Let's Give Christmas to the World
Once we send it over and they try it on
Our joy-filled, toy-filled phenomenon
They'll reschedule Hanukah and Ramadan
Let's Give Christmas to the World

When it's snowing worldwide, now you know it's true
Let's Give Christmas to the World
They'll be lookin' for Santa Claus and Jesus too
Let's Give Christmas to the World
The jingo bells'll drown out complaints
Let's Give Christmas to the World
And we'll cover the earth like that big can o' paint
Let's Give Christmas to the World
Bright lights lighting up every street
Let's Give Christmas to the World
We'll get 'em marching to the little drummer boy's beat
Let's Give Christmas to the World...

Merry Christmas or Else

(Lehmkuhl)

We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy new year!

Good tiding we bring to you and your kin
Good tidings for Christmas and a happy new year!

Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
Now bring us some figgy pudding
And bring it out here

We all like figgy pudding
We all like figgy pudding
We all like figgy pudding
So bring some out here

Good tiding we bring to you and your kin
Good tidings for Christmas and a happy new year!

We won't go until we get some
We won't go until we get some
We won't go until we get some
So bring it out here

Your life will become a living hell
Your life will become a living hell
Your life will become a living hell
Unless you comply

Good tiding we bring to you and your kin
Good tidings for Christmas and a happy new year!

The big guys are making ice balls
The big guys are making ice balls
The big guys are making ice balls
So you better comply

You don't want to lose your windows
You don't want to lose your windows
You don't want to lose your windows
So go get our figgy pudding

Good tiding we bring to you and your kin
Good tidings for Christmas and a happy new year!

You think this is for our health, Mac?
You think this is for our health, Mac?
You think this is for our health? No!
We just want figgy pudding

We care only about one thing
We care only about one thing
We care only about one thing
Getting lots of figgy pudding

We'll just sing until the cops come
We'll just sing until the cops come
We'll just sing until the cops come
Or you bring us figgy pudding

Figgy pudding, figgy pudding
Figgy pudding, figgy pudding
Figgy pudding, figgy pudding
Figgy pudding, figgy pudding...

Hurricane Santa

(Nordquist)

We had Alex and Brandy, Carlos and Dolly,
Eric and Frankie, Gary and Holly,
Isaac and Jackie, Kristof and Lucy —
As hurricane seasons go, this was a doozy!

It started in June
It started so early
And week after week
The weather got swirly
We thought it would stop
At the end of September
But it stormed through October
And even November

And now that it's winter
With snowflakes descending
This dreary procession
Ought to be ending
But the Centers for Climate Control
Down in Atlanta
Are tracking a new storm
And this one's giganta
The storm that they're calling
Hurricane Santa

The wind is increasing
The snowfall is steady
Santa is coming
You better get ready
You cannot escape him
The coastline is reeling
He'll come through your chimney
Or tear off your ceiling

Oh you bad little girls
And you bad little boys
You were asking for too many
Frivolous toys
But the tide is turning
And now you must pay
'Cause Hurricane Santa
Will blow you away
On Christmas Day
It's too late to pray
There's no God anyway
Just a guy with a sleigh
And eight tiny reindeer
And eight tons of snow, dear
And he's coming right here
He's been preparing all year
He's that guy with the sneer...