2014

Please Support the Crackernuts School of Christmas

Bah & the Humbugs - Crackernuts School of Christmas
HUMBUGS MERRILY PROMOTE BAH'S ALMA MATER

Bah & the Humbugs stepped up in 2014 to provide two brand-new, holiday-ruining songs in support of The Crackernuts School of Christmas — the alma mater of the elusive bandleader, Bah — to help pay for their massively expensive and fragile new stadium, The Snow Globe. Elves are standing by to take your pledge, so please, give generously!

The new songs, which can be streamed or downloaded below, are "The Crackernuts School of Christmas" — the school anthem, describing many of the courses and activities enjoyed by the uniquely talented students — and "Chiller Horror Christmas" — in which holiday superstar Hellfira gives us a taste of a scary, merry holiday.

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The Crackernuts School of Christmas
Chiller Horror Christmas

My Elf is an Honor Student at the Crackernuts School of Christmas

Download The Crackernuts School of Christmas

Listen to The Crackernuts School of Christmas:
 

The Crackernuts School of Christmas

(Nordquist/Guskin)

It's time for school,
For Christmas School.
It's always Yule
At Christmas School.

You'll learn from elves,
Professor elves.
They stock the shelves
By tens and twelves.

Nutcracking primers
And chimney climbers.
Build your skills in mistletoe!
Who wants to train deer
Like Santa's reindeer?
Cheer your team. They're made of snow!

Let's go to school,
To Christmas School.
Red hats are cool
At Christmas School.

Come join the elves,
Devote yourselves,
Support the cause
For Santa Claus.

Your lights will twinkle.
Your bells will jingle.
Sugarplums that weigh a ton!
You'll learn to gift wrap
All kinds of gift crap.
Tie a bow. That's great! It's done!

Let's go to school,
To Christmas School.
Green mittens rule
At Christmas School.

We'll deck the hall,
Fill every wall.
These lights are small...
Let's use them all!

Nutcracking primers
And chimney climbers.
Build your skills in mistletoe!
Who wants to train deer
Like Santa's reindeer?
Cheer your team. They're made of snow!

Your lights will twinkle.
Your bells will jingle.
Sugarplums that weigh a ton!
You'll learn to gift wrap
All kinds of gift crap.
Tie a bow. That's great! It's done!


Download Chiller Horror Christmas

Listen to Chiller Horror Christmas:
 

Chiller Horror Christmas

(Nordquist/Guskin)

When the dead come alive on Christmas Eve
You better lock and bolt the door.
They'll be shopping all night for human brains —
Not found in any store.

There is one sure way to protect yourself
And defeat the Yule Undead:
Make a stake out of holly and mistletoe,
And stab them through the head!

It's a chiller horror Christmas.
We'll be screaming all the way.
The demons can't wait to desecrate
Our favorite holiday.
It's a bloody gory Christmas,
A violent fright Noel.
With a ching, ching, ching, they are opening
The very gates of Hell.

Keep a candle on the windowsill
To ward off the evil clown,
And don't step off the garden path
Or he'll mow-mow-mow you down.
The reindeer fly like vampire bats.
They like their victims fresh.
The snowmen want to chill your soul
And eat your frozen flesh!

It's a chiller horror Christmas.
We'll be screaming all the way.
The demons can't wait to desecrate
Our favorite holiday.
It's a bloody gory Christmas,
A violent fright Noel.
With a ching, ching, ching, they are opening
The very gates of hell.

(demon Santa:)
Ho, ho, ho,
Billy & Suzi, I know you've been verrrry naughty...
That's why my Christmas present for you...
Is big...and sharp...and COMING RIGHT AT YOU!

We wait all year for Christmas day
To hear those handbells toll.
But guess who else showed up today?
It Came from the North Pole!
Our stockings were hung by the chimney with care
Until they became possessed.
Then our stockings started stalking us
And slayed our merry fest.

It's a chiller horror Christmas.
We'll be screaming all the way.
The demons can't wait to desecrate
Our favorite holiday.
It's a bloody gory Christmas,
A violent fright Noel.
With a ching, ching, ching, they are opening
The very gates of hell.

Yes, be afraid! Be very afraid!
The gothic horror of — oh! what's that?
Oh, thank you! You shouldn't have!
It's beautiful! I mean — it's ghastly!
It's horrificent!
Be careful on your way out — there's a masked crazy killer hiding behind the Christmas tree!
Good night! Merry — I mean scary Christmas! ...